the return

have u ever stopped for awhile and wondered what have u done with ur life lately ? well i have and eventually, i've been thinking bout this all the time... it's like, "what am i doing for all these years and am i gonna do what i've been expected to do?" well for all those u who do not know me, i'm currently studying electrical/electronics engineering and sometimes i wondered, am i gonna be an engineer after i finish studying.... i let u know a secret...

i've always wanted to be a fashion designer (errr???) since i was in elementary school...back then, my teachers always caught me drawing pictures of dresses and stylish apparel....and when they asked me what i want to do when i grow up, i always say," A fashion designer"....i was obssessed with drawings and designing...

but when i grew older - in secondary school, when i was 14 to be exact - my interest moved to F1...yes, F1!!! FORMULA ONE, FORMULA UNO....the main reason of this is because i have this huge CRUSH on FERNANDO ALONSO...he's like my hero at that time and i've always cut his pictures whenever saw him on newspaper...freaking weirdo n obssessed? I KNOW...

back to the story, Fernando was the world champion during my obssession period which made me more obssessed with him..but then, F1 became political which grossed me out b'coz i hate POLITICS!! NOTE THAT PLEASE.... as time went by, i got bored and eventually during the so-called downfall of Fernando - in 2007 i think - i stopped following F1...i dont know why but i just stopped watching the races...i no longer memorized the drivers' names and their teams, which i'm so good at remembering when i was obssessed with it...to make things worse, Fernando decided to move to McLaren which i think it was the most disgusting decision he ever made...i mean, why bother to move to another team when ur old team had made u 2 times world champion...come one!! that's betrayal!! PERIOD....from that moment, everything bout F1 just grosses me out...from the safety shits and the political craps, no more F1 OBSSESSION for ME!! but i love to watch the race live as im the adrenaline-rush lover and the sound of the cars make just let me forget the present, just for a little while of course...

ohh the past just makes me feel young for a while...i do love to back and being kid once again but u know what, life is a journey where u'll be meeting several things; HAPPINESS, SADNESS, ACHIEVEMENT, DOWNFALL, CHALLENGES....they dont come in sequence, but they do come maybe as a pair, or as a point where ur live could change forever...

look into my position now, im in my 1st year 2nd semester but i still feel like i havent achieve something yet...im not sure whether im making the right decision or maybe i just feel unaccomplished b'coz i'd never set a target in what im doing...im confused to be honest...but u know what, i dont easily give up on things even though i know i suck on them...b'coz in my life, i always want to achieve successes whether im good at them or not...thats the thing i like about myself

PS: im looking for freelance job that can give me income in a short time...can anyone help me??

in depressive state

i thought everythng will be okay...but until i made a terrible thing...it changes everythng...now i dnt know wat to do wit my life...im completely out of hands n cant be handled....im a total mess rite now...plis help me....i cnt live without u!!! im a total b******t!!! plis help me!!!

sunday morning

i woke early today...it wasnt dat weird actually but in fact it was weekend today so it may sound a bit 'strange' for those who called themselves 'bujang'...well i've got nthng to do during this weekend...yesterday i was all alone in my house at uniten...my housemate went back to her hometown Perak while my roomate was staying in her sis's aprtment in uniten also....well, family is more important than friends rite??



so to fill up my boring sunday, as usually, i dwnloaded movies and songs from jengkoil intranet server...well i might this is my fav intranet server in uniten (apart dat he's my fren)...he provides soo many movies dat i jz want to dwnload all of them but i cant cz my laptop might 'hang' kalu dwnload byk2 huhuhuu...for now on, i've dwnloaded 7 movies...the cnnection was very fast this morning cz i guess no one onlined this 'pagi2 buta'....



btw, i wud like to wish a warm HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BUBU



she's a senior of mine n i get to knw her thru my fren...she's a nice girl...i like her



well anyway, HAVE A NICE WEEKEND Y'ALL

mourning for my own fate

im nt in a stable condition now...too much thngs happened to me nowadays....i dnt knw wat to do....im thinking of suicide might help me jz forget all these probs, in fact dat IM DEAD wud jz make ppl happy....i dnt knw, im jz too sad to explain n think wat has happened to me....wat did i do wrong sampai ade org bnci sgt2 kt i??im trying to be a nice gurl here....but i dnt knw, ppl jz seem to be nt seeing it although im trying so hard to show dat i can change but plis give me some time n also some support....im still young, for God sake....im lack of experiences which explains my immaturity....im soo dissapointed wit myself....i think its better if i jz 'go away'....dat 'go away' term can describe many things....mybe someday u wud be able to see me again...im jz soo sad n dissapointed...i cnt forgive myslf for wat had happned...im soo sorry...

test calculus 1

i got test calculus 1 today!!! n i havent studied yet!!!

OMG!!!

im soo lazy yet, im soo freakin' scared!!! well this is me anyway; last-minute girl...always delay her work....sighhh im soo freakin' lazy rite??

arrghh im soo lazy...well better grab some books n study then....wish me luck

balik kampung!!

tomorrow i'll be back to my beloved 'kampung' Kota Bharu taking air asia flight at 3pm finally some break for after a month staying n 'blurring' in uniten....well i gotta say, to go back to my kampung is quite hard especially when it comes to public holidays like hari raya, chinese new year, deepavali n stuff like dat...i mean, everytime there is an occassion, dats the time all the bus tickets sold out n worse, sometimes the plane tickets sold out too!! the only alternative for the 'kelantaneses' to go back home is to drive car which is 7-8 hours long!!! n well like always, when there r a lots of cars on the road, traffic jam will certainly occur...dats the fact that many kelantanses had to face when it comes to 'balik kampung'...we, kelantaneses, are very excited to go home when there is a public holiday...it's a fact i think hhuhuhuu...

nway, im nt happy rite now...there's smthng happening rite now dats scares the most out of me dat i wudnt probably face it very well...mostly, i can or at least, trying to hndle my problems or stress correctly n clamly...but this one, it's hard for me to handle it...it's like i cant take it off from my head n it will stick there for as long as it's over....i knw u guys dnt undrstand wat i mean here...but i guess some of my frens know this thing n i hope they cn keep it secret until it's over....my heart is restless rite now....it keeps beating faster n faster....i cnt concentrate on wat im doing cz i keep worrying bout this problem....

"Ya Allah, tolonglah hambamu ni yg x tenang dan kusut. Tenangkanlah hatiku yg gelisah dan aku berharap semuanya baik2 dan berjalan lancar"

plis pray dat everythng will be fine...plis pray dat me n my bf will stay together forever n for eternity....plis pray for both of us will be fine n in good health condition...im so sad but i dnt want to be cz he wudnt wanna see me sad n crying...plis pray for our happiness

not feeling well

OMG im nt feeling well rite now...im soo cold, dizzy n my body feels soo weak...i dnt knw wats wrong wit me...but i guess im having fever...actually i was in this state for the past a few days but i resisted myself from saying dat im sick cz i dnt want to be sick...i want to be healthy so dat i cn make everyone around me happy n not burdened by my sickness...ohh goshh im soo cold...plis help me dowh....im soo cold...

PS: im nt n da mood of formatting this post cz im too weak n lazy...ohh dear im soo dizzy n cold